i want to be the kind of person that remembers!!

okay, so i fail miserably on a constant basis when it comes to remembering birthdays. seriously. i know i just missed felicia's and stacie's is like today, and i am certain that i have missed several other birthdays already this year, i HATE being that person. so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, leave a your birthday date in the comments. PLEASE. that means you. everyone, anyone. i am truly trying to be a better person and this is one of the ways that i want to do. so help me be better. comment your birthday (and better leave your address too, so that i can send the bday card that makes me the good friend that i want to be)(but if the address is too much, just the bday day will do). THANKS. (do it now, or you will forget. your crying child, or hungry spouse, or tv show will wait!!!) thanks

some recent photos and (much needed) happy thoughts

skyler LOVES to hike and be outside, so the minute that it got kinda warm he took us. i was excited, a little skeptical given my current state of being (ie: extra poundage). but we went and it was SOO fun. poor, fabulous skyler had to carry zoia all the way up, but he didn't complain and she LOVED it!!! this is us at the top. little did we know that it was the way down, through the snow and water, that would be the toughest!! zoia literally laughed so hard at me as i gracefully slide (or fell whatever) down the mountain that she couldn't breath!! for a city girl i actually had a great time!


just a photo of z. i can't get her to smile into the camera for the life of me. so don't be fooled my the blank stares that she shows in the pics. she is really very happy and smiley and not retarded!


on May 10th me, my mom, carianne (brit's bff), sky's mom erin, sky's aunt jodi, and erin's friend ran (or walked) the race for the cure. it was SOO much fun. seriously. i loved it. there were 17000 people running the race that day. can you image? and think of all the other races going on around the country as well. there are a lot of supporters of breast cancer research!!! and a lot of loving families as well!


so for my mother's day, skyler taught my YW's lesson (thank you sky) and we had hannah and my mother over for lunch, and then we went to erin's for dinner. we ate in the yard out back and during dinner zoia decided to take a fall from two steps up onto concrete. so her gift to me was this wonderful scabby face of hers!! she cried for about 5 minutes, i cried for about 20. poor little thing. she doesn't seem to mind now though!


z has decided that her baby stroller is actually for her. she points to herself and says "baby" then climbs in. it seems to me that i would probably look the same if i tried to climb into her stroller. gotta love the roles!

just to clarify...

i just want to apologize... i think that sometimes i see my blog as a sort of journal and when i need to just let it out, i tend to do it there, not really thinking about how people might react or respond to what i say. so, please know that what i said was not directly related to anyone, or said to make anyone feel guilty or sorry for me. we ALL have low points, and high points, good days and bad. and that day was, obviously, not such a great one. so, PLEASE everyone know that i am really fine, just trying to get my head on straight and figure out how to be happy in this new place. also, i get really tired of the "my life is so perfect" blogs that i read everyday and feel like sometimes it is nice to hear about how people are really feeling, so that we all can relate to each other on more levels than one. so again, i am sorry if i made anyone feel bad. my intention was to simply get it out of my head so that i could move on. i love you all very much and am thankful for you all in my life.

i just need a moment to let it all out

so it seems that i have been a bit down lately and i am certain that there are several reasons for this, but i just needed to get a few things out of my head, and i guess out on the web!!! i probably should have a journal or something so that this things aren't open to the world, but whatever. so, here i go. for years, maybe my whole life, i have been struggling with the idea of being loved for being me. so i did everything i could to outwardly be the cool, happy, positive, smart, beautiful person that i wanted to be. but inside, i was still the shy, scared, quiet, awkward, frumpy, girl i had been in high school. so i closed that girl off, and tried my best to erase her, but when i got pregnant, i was so overwhelmed with how out of control my life had become and how big the challenges were in front of me that all the courage and selflessness and positivity and spontaneity and coolness slipped away to reveal the worst true me. and it was at that time that so many of the people that i thought loved me for me slipped away. and it was at that time that the person i thought i was, the person that i tried so hard to be, the person that made me like myself ran away too. so since that time i have been attempting to find her again. that person that i used to like so much, but i can't find her. i never thought that i would be the kind of mom that does nothing except her child. that can't seem to find her way out the front door, but i dislike the naked, raw, scared, self conscious version of myself so much that i just can't do it. and on top of that the one seemly terrible choice that i made has placed a permanently horrible person badge right across my forehead so that i can never be trusted again or unconditionally loved again or given any kind of respect again. and it breaks my heart. and it confuses me. and it leaves me to wallow in my own self pity because no one wants to be friends with a sinner.... (did i mention i am kind of in a negative, glass half empty, pessimistic place in my life...?) anyhow, i just am feeling rather fragile and scared and sad and alone right now and wishing that i was that other brooke who never felt any of those things...

Check out my Slide Show!

i don't know about the rest of you married folk, but when i got hitched my hubby put the brakes on me displaying any photos in "our" house that did not somehow involve him. (which means that the last 26 years of my life, those that did not include him, were to be remembered fondly...) however, i am a photo/frame kinda gal, and i LOVE my old photos. so i needed a place to put them so that i could see some of my fav's whenever i want. plus, it's always fun to show off your old (or new) ugly styles and really bad hair days. (or in my case the days when i didn't only wear sweats and i actually looked kinda hot...) plus, i thought all of you might enjoy seeing a photo or two of yourselves!!!! (and ya sorry stac, i had to put the prego pic up, it's the only one i have of sam!) ENJOY!!!!

i did not get tagged, but i am doing it anyway!

im breaking the rules and i LOVE it. seeing as i don't have any friends who would tag me, i am going to tag myself. that's right. (plus, i really need a reason to not have to clean the toilets, again.)

10 YEARS AGO...
i was a senior in high school, just finishing up Hi-Lo's (drill team), getting ready for the new group of try-outs, wanting to just get the hell out already, and simultaneously freaking out because i wasn't sure what i was going to do. not to mention driving past nick's house and shavy-shavy's house, and jerom's house with kellie and matou in my little 2 seater crx, and working at zuka, and being kellie's shadow. (can anyone believe that 1998 was 10 YEARS AGO, wow.)

5 THINGS ON MY TO-DO LIST...
1. (obviously) clean my toilets
2. wash, fold, put-away, and re-organize the laundry (it seems zoia's new favorite game is to scramble her drawers.)
3. CLEAN (everything and anything. my house, sky's mom's house, the car's, the garage...)
4. make phone calls (sky's mom, my mom, young women's, getting photo's taken (wish kel was closer), getting tv (ya, we have not had television for almost 2 years, so my mom
thought it was time), ty, marge, steve, marian, my prayer circle sisters, etc...
5. do a few things for myself (finish EAT, PRAY, LOVE (you should read it), exercise (yoga booty ballet for today), shower, maybe brush my teeth, sow...)
(i think my to-do-list is the same everyday...)

5 SNACKS THAT I ENJOY...
1. de-caf coffee (my stake president said it was okay)(and no i didn't ask, we were joking about it and he brought it up!!!)
2. vanilla/cinnamon almonds
3. ice cream (of course)
4. vanilla yogurt with grapenuts
5. zuka's (okay jamba juice, but i liked zuka better)
6. pizza (is that a snack?)
7. oh wait, it was only 5 huh?!?!

IF I WERE SUDDENLY A BILLIONAIRE I WOULD...
do what most everyone else would do. ie:
- build our dream house
- help my family
- finally get the DAFFODIL PROJECT (romanian street kids project) up and running
- travel with sky (india, ireland, scottland, hungary, romania...)
- buy zoia lots of toys and clothes
- have sky finish his cruiser, his chevelle, his anything
- go shopping at H&M, and since im a billionaire, how about saks and bloomies
- get a gym membership & a personal trainer & a personal chef & lipo
(wouldn't everyone want to do that?)

5 PLACES IVE LIVED...(interjection by me) SINCE I TURNED 18
1. Armonk, New York
2. Rexburg, Idaho
3. Kihei, Maui, Hawaii
4. Brasov, Romania
5. Provo, Ogden, Orem, Utah

5 JOBS IVE HAD...
1. Zuka Juice
2. Nanny for the Slaps
3. Hallmark
4. Nanny for the Butin's (over and wonderfully over again)
5. Discovery Academy (Boarding School for troubled youth)

5 THINGS NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT ME...
1. I actually LOVE sushi. I used to HATE it, but sky made me try it so many times that i actually started to like it. Plus, it is so beautiful. How can you not just want to eat it, or take pictures of it.
2. I pick at EVERYTHING. My nails, my split ends, my lips... terrible habits.
3. I am terrified of butterflies and moths. Yup. it is true.
4. Being a mom is the most fun, most scary, and the BEST thing that i have ever done. I LOVE IT.
5. I LOVE to have crazy hair colors. Ive been blue and green and most recently pink, and the secret punk rocker that lives inside me LOVES it.

okay, so since i tagged myself, i am going to tag all of you (and if your name is not on the list that does not exclude you...) k8s, kellie, stacie, eni, marge, vern... i am serious about all of you. these are things that i would like to know about all of you!!! and apparently i wanted you to know all about me!!

i know that we are all on diets, but break it for these cookies...seriously?!!!

Okay, so i have become a sort of cookie connoisseur of late (in other words, i really like cookies and i like to bake lots of them). and well, i think i have decided that these are truly some of the best. no joke, they are like magically delicious (minus the lepricon (how do you spell that?!?!)).

2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup butter
1 & 1/2 cups flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/8 tsp salt
3 eggs
1/2 cup sugar
2 tsp vanilla
2 cups Guittard Green Mint Chips (the recipe is yummy with the mint chips, but if you make them with semisweet you'll be eating crazy-good double chocolate cookies)

Preheat oven to 350. In double boiler melt 1 bag semisweet chips & butter. Set aside to cool. In large bowl beat eggs, sugar and vanilla until light. Blend in melted chocolate and then dry ingredients. Stir in chips (either mint or semisweet) and chill for 20 minutes. Bake 8-10 minutes; cookies will be soft in centers but will harden as they cool.